Short Stories - non fiction

Stop Snoring you say?

Those that know me personally, know that I am deaf in my right ear. Thankfully my left ear has super good hearing, and usually makes up for it.
In addition to being hearing impaired, my husband is a mumbler. In fact, I was pretty convinced that my hearing was perfectly fine and that he was the problem.

I will never forget the first trip to have my hearing checked. The clientele in the waiting room were an assortment of really old people, and a couple of young yet extremely obese twins, and me. I felt more than a bit out of place. 

After the audio tests, they sent me back to the waiting room to wait to speak to the specialist. During this time, a tiny little woman came fluttering out of the office and handed me a pamphlet. I took a look at it. They were promoting the benefits of sign language. “Just shoot me now” I thought…I mean truly.

The Audiologist was an odd duck. She told me that she had no clue how I lost my hearing in one ear. She also said that it was so bad that a hearing aid wouldn’t help. She went on to say that they were sending me for an MRI in case there was a brain tumor. Then she proceeded to ask me a series of questions before she prescribed the MRI. This included questions like “do you have any tattoos” because of the metal content, they don’t mix well with the MRI machine. She also asked me, and I kid you not, if I had a piercing on my penis. She got quite a kick out of herself with that one. Perhaps she thought I wouldn’t hear her. Anyway, obviously she detected a sense of humor on my part and figured I could handle the joke. Which I did laugh at, but mostly I was thinking “this interaction could only happen to me.”

I have learned to take advantage of partial hearing loss. For example, our neighbor used to have an arrangement with the snow removal company to have her driveway cleared at 3:00 am. When the plow would arrive, I would roll over and sleep with my deaf ear up. It’s like a built in earplug. Same goes for impromptu gatherings of my son and his friends in our basement, I use the deaf ear up approach and I can get some sleep. 

Every now and then, though, I realize that I am not hearing what is being said. My husband mumbled “it’s a nice day” this morning and I heard “stop snoring you say.” 


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